The first day of class. New classmates filter into the room as you sit in your desk and wonder if the seat you chose will fit the amount of participation you can commit to. Knees are bouncing, palms are sweaty, and what the heck do I do with my hands? HOW DO I NORMALLY SIT IN A CHAIR FOR SO LONG?
Yep ok maybe this is just what my experience of first days of class are like. First impressions are everyone's favorite, yeah? I did the math, and I've had more than 80 first days of class. You would think anyone with this much experience would be an expert, but our humanity never ceases to shine through here.
Because here's the thing.. human beings are awkward. We all know this. We have all felt this soul-weighing pain that makes an internal sound that goes something like ehhhhrrrrrr. These moments are everywhere.
Maybe it was on this first day of class when you were trying to make a good impression - to give people an image of you in your first 75 minute session together. Maybe it was on the subway in New York or one of those many lovely rides in an elevator with just you and someone else. Maybe these moments come when you're opening presents on your birthday. Or maybe it's in a conversation with someone you should have forgiven and/or been forgiven by long ago.
Human beings were made for perfect union. Without fail, every single one of these moments of beautiful awkwardness are times where we are meant to be connecting with another human soul in a way that we aren't.
We were made for relationships that don't involve fear of judgement or lack of love. We were made to be fulfilled by a perfect, intimate love that stretches beyond the farthest stars in the universe and still calls us by name. One that would die (and did) without thinking twice to save our immortal souls from the chasms of eternity. One that doesn't care how awkward we are - one created us exactly as we are as a way to lead us back home.
In the story of creation, loneliness was the first thing God deemed not good in this world. He created man, and then another because "It is not good for the man to be alone." None of us were meant to be alone in anything.
This desire for human connection that manifests itself in mundane awkwardness is a part of all of us. It's written into creation, but it's also a reminder of what we're doing wandering this worldly home of ours. I'm going to turn to my main man C.S. Lewis on this one..
“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
We desire to be loved. We desire true happiness. We desire fulfillment. No human relationship is ever going to meet these desires for perfect connection and happiness, but what's beautiful is that that's ok. Because our Creator loves us that way a million times over. And He gave us each other so that we might echo this love and come to understand it more fully. The awkwardness is just a bonus, friends. It's a beautiful reminder of our eternal home.